Jacques Lacan, the French Freud, is a prominent psychoanalyst who has made significant contributions to the understanding of human psychology. His theories on the subject of desire provide us with an insightful view on the human mind and the way our experiences shape our desires. One of Lacan's most prominent developments is the objét petit a, which he conceptualized as the object of desire that is unattainable yet always yearned for which links to Freud’s lost object. For Lacan, the lost object is not merely that we have lost our love one but we have lost their love - or more specifically their desire.


Furthermore, Lacan believed that the superego plays an important role in the formation of desire. As discussed in the previous blog post, the superego is the part of our psyche that is responsible for creating a sense of morality and values that guide our actions. More than the ‘should not’s’ of superego, Lacan notes the ‘shoulds’ of the superego or ideals which give us some mapping to the desire of our lost objects. Lacan argues that the superego and the fantasy of ‘missed blessings’ (my interpretation) creates a sense of guilt and anxiety in us by making us feel as though we are lacking or not doing enough. This, in turn, drives us to pursue the objét petit a as a way of filling that emptiness and assuaging our anxieties to find love as the lost object.

Finally, Lacan also highlighted the importance of the desire of the other in shaping our own desires. The desire of the other refers to the way we model our own desires after those of people we admire or view as authority figures. This is because we want to be like them and feel validated by their approval. Consequently, our desire is shaped by those around us, whether consciously or unconsciously.

Overall, Lacan’s theories on the objét petit a, the superego, and the desire of the other offer insight into why we desire certain things and what drives us to pursue them. How does this change how we mourn? For Lacan, Melancholia or depression is not a feeling but a lack of feeling or desire. In mourning we journey to find the Object cause of desire and to find our desire again. In this kind of therapy, we can experience love less as filing a lack and more of a path to setting healthy limits in loving relationships so that ones singularity is protected and maintained.